Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
