Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
