I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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