as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Randomize
