There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
