I am in a vortex of obligation.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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