DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
