I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
