Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
