i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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