quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
