That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize