Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I need moral support for this bender
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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