if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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