u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize