we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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