Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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