Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
