Did you just see the Batmobile???
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
