oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
