something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Cover your peen. We're going out.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
