I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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