Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
