i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
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