Non-Jews are for practice
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
