Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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