Betty ford says i'm here all night
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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