So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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