If that was your dad, he is hot
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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