They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
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