and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
