If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize