um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize