Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
