I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
