i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
