i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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