Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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