I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize