dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
