I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
