Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
