I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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