he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
