Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
