He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
