She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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