he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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