$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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