I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
They should really pass out barf bags in church
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
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