I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
