17 year olds will be the death of me.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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