You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
organizing the empties. That sober.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
