Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Still dying that you shit outside
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Randomize
