she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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