I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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