I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Did you just see the Batmobile???
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
