Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
