Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Randomize
