dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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