is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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