guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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