Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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