i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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