I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Randomize